Be Present With Your Past

Ever gone through something and just carried on with life, wondering what the big deal was? You changed schools. Changed careers. Had a car accident. A breakup.

Everyone waxes lyrical about what a big deal this “event” was for you, or how you could have acted differently, maybe how you should now act differently.

But you just don’t get it. Nu, life goes on, right? What’s with all the advice?

Sure, “they” tell us not to live in the past. But there’s a lot to be said for grabbing those life lessons – the outcomes of those big events everyone’s going on about – and moving forward with hindsight, insight and foresight to create a dynamic present and future.

Pharaoh is a testament to this.

It’s exciting times in the Torah. In this week’s parashah, Bo, the Egyptians have just experienced the seven plagues G-d set upon them. Pharaoh witnessed it all, but he still refuses to set the Jews free. Yet it’s his servants – the ones who waited on Pharaoh hand and foot – who are completely clear: if the Jews aren’t freed, Egypt and all who dwell there will be destroyed.

How is it that this is abundantly clear to everyone but the king, who refuses to listen?

A distinct aspect of the Ten Plagues is Pharaoh’s persistent refusal to recognise the errors of his ways and accept that Hashem is powerful. Even miracle after miracle doesn’t persuade him of Moses’s claims of not just being a sorcerer but also G-d’s messenger.

During the first five plagues, Pharaoh refuses to release the Jews and remains in control of his free will. Had G-d not hardened his heart, the king would have sent the Jews out of Egypt in the second five plagues. But that’s because he couldn’t bear any more plagues after the first ten, not necessarily because he wishes to repent from the recognition of G-d’s greatness.

Pharaoh was stubborn to the core.

Who would deny such great miracles? Surely, it’s due to lack of thought that the miracles didn’t sway Pharaoh’s stance.

When we think of it like this, when we think of Pharaoh’s illogical behaviour, it sheds so much light on why people fail to change when they experience a big event or recurring “wrongs” in their lives.

Often, we’re simply too close to a situation to see it objectively. Since Pharaoh interacted directly with Moses, he was too emotionally charged with what was going on in Egypt.

Like so many of us who are too close to a person or situation in our own lives, Pharaoh is misguided. He (like us in different situations) feels he knows the situations the best and is therefore in the best position to know what should or shouldn’t be done. So, he doesn’t entertain a single other opinion or idea.

It comes down to objectivity. When we’re emotionally immersed in something, we tend to have very little objectivity, if any.

How often have you witnessed someone in an unhealthy personal relationship, but they just couldn’t see how it was affecting them? Maybe they justify their stance as “nobody knows the person like I do.” That’s exactly why they can’t act rationally or objectively. When you’re too close to the situation, you lose sight of the bigger picture.

This is when you need to seek out others and ask sincerely for their advice. And listen. It’s human nature to discount other people’s opinions. Maybe we feel that by embracing someone else’s point of view, we’re admitting that we’ve made a poor choice. We want to “save face.”

It’s this type of mentality that stops us from rationalising poor or adverse behaviours and changing for the better. Yet, the greatest humans have been those who admit their wrongs of the past and take those lessons, that fresh perspective, and move on to make productive, healthier choices.

Whether you’re stuck in a rut, looking for a relationship or career change or been through a big event that you just don’t see “the big deal” about, there’s always room for change. We have to change – the world around us does.

Like Pharaoh, we need to learn to think; to let things happen in the world at large or our private lives and take time to reflect and change accordingly.

Change is a big word. Maybe we can look at it, instead, as growth.

When last did you take time to think about the things going on around you?

When last did you listen to those around you who truly know you – the one’s whose opinions you value?

Do it. Start today. It will help you take just a little step back, gain perspective, fight that urge to justify past actions and move forward with renewed vigour and insight.

Be present with your past.

Take the good advice. It might hurt your ego, but it will make you the best version of yourself.

The ball’s in your court.

Shabbat Shalom.